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Not What I Planned

I finished a session with a client the other day and was busy typing my note and preparing for my next session.  I was going about my daily routine and I paused to consider how drastically different my day looks now than what I ever thought it would look like.  Two years ago, I was working as an assessor and therapist doing a job I loved and two years before that, I was taking care of my two rambunctious boys full-time and spending my days with play dates and the myriad of activity that comes with being a full-time caretaker.  I didn’t set out to become a private practice owner and I definitely didn’t envision the twists and turns it would take to get me here.

People that know me well know that I am a planner, which is a super positive and nice way to put it.  I don’t particularly like surprises and I am bossy and obsessive when it comes to vacation planning and getting things marked off my to-do list and done my way.   I absolutely spent at least three hours this week looking at every possible Vrbo and Airbnb listing for a trip that is not until April of next year.  This part of me is just hardwired that way and I appreciate and honor all the ways the little obsessive planner in me helps me with details and making sure I’m being the best I can be. 

Part of my own journey has been to see this part of myself and ask her to take a step back from time to time so I can hear my own inner voice and intuition.   I developed a practice of going inward each day and spending some time listening and just being.  And after a while (a long while, if I’m being honest), I could hear that voice.  The voice told me to do something that by all standards in my well-planned out existence, was pretty against the grain.  “Go do your own thing,” she said.  And so, I listened.  And it was disruptive and hard for a while.  There have been moments of second guessing and self-doubt, but damn am I glad to be here in this office, typing this blog post.  I don’t know where my journey will take me and Aloft Healing Studios next, but I do know I trust that voice and myself.  I couldn’t have mapped out a perfect plan for where I am now and when I look back, I can see now how those bumps and low points I’ve hit in my professional career and personal life got me here and I’m so thankful. 

My story is my own and unique with its own cast of characters and silly plot twists, but it’s also universal.  None of us can map out the future perfectly or predict with certainty where we’ll be in 5 years.  And when you look back at your story from a peak and place of success, you have better vision to see those absolute low points and seeming failures as a gift and a teacher.  I hope today you can take a moment to sit with where you are and where you’ve been and maybe send some gratitude for those low points and hard places that led you here. 

Peace to you wherever you find yourself on your journey,